Saturday, February 21, 2009

The World Post, Vol. 2

By Bub

Bathroom Casserole – In Barack Obama’s America the homeless are no longer forced to cook mice over a burning trash barrel behind Lowe’s. Now they are forced to live their entire lives in hotel bathrooms.

Kobe Bryant tries to steal the NBA All-Star MVP award from Shaq after mistakenly hearing that it was the Most Unrepentant Rapist award.

Punxsutawney Phil’s cousin, Al, at the less popular Groundhog-Smashing festival moments before meeting his doom.

Afghan President Hamid Karzai meets with Special US Envoy Richard Holbrooke. Karzai is pictured here asking Holbrooke if the US could install him as president of a better country.

Lee Redmond was known as the record holder of the world’s longest fingernails until they were recently broken in a car accident. She is now known by her other record as grossest old woman that dresses like a fifteen year old.

Ervin Lupoe shot his wife, five children and himself after losing his job as a Medical Technician. Said Dental Assistant and TV/VCR Repairman, “Seriously? It wasn’t that great of a job to begin with.”

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is pictured here walking the streets of Caracas with both fists extended above his head in triumphant celebration after successfully exploiting and deceiving an impoverished and desperate population. Also he was pretty stoked after his conference call with Lindsey Lohan.

‘You don’t know him like I do. Sure, he fucks dogs, but he is so giving and emotionally open. Plus he got me that heartworm medicine and who am I to complain, I eat other dogs’ poop.’

Croats making the world’s largest sausage… out of Serbs.

Ambassador Beagle testifying before Congress about his involvement in the Oil-for-Hambones corruption scandal.

Lynard Skynard Keyboardist, Billy Powell, died recently prompting music fans everywhere to still hate Lynard Skynard. In case you were wondering Billy is the one wearing black with the smug look of an idiot pretending to understand abstract concepts.

Not pictured, just out of frame is Chris Cornell performing his newest single “Part of Me”.

They’re building the Clubhouse there? But Jews could get in.

The Department of Homeland Security raised the terrorist threat level from orange to red this week. When asked why, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano replied cryptically, “Invisible frogs.”

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