Saturday, February 21, 2009

Overheard at the Mall

By Bub
10. I swear this will be the last time. (Man to security guards after being caught humping the waste bin. It wont be)

9. Where is the Dan Brown section? (Swollen-faced middle-aged unemployed woman to clerk at Waldenbooks)

8. If I can whack one more mole God, I wont ask you for anything ever again. (Recently fired Enterprise Rent-a-Car supervisor at Change Takerz Arcade)

7. Do you have this jean in a South Pole? (White faux-gangster putting on airs at Younkers after finding $200 under the cushion of his drug dealer’s couch.)

6. Jesus, you’ve gotta try a Maid Rite. It’s got all the ingredients of a hamburger but without the pretension and convenience of a firm, non-crumbling patty. (Me, to nobody)

5. Where is the section for that devil-worshiper? (Young Earth Creationist PTA member to a clerk at Waldenbooks, researching a list of books to ban, referring to Dan Brown)

4. What do you mean you don’t have acid wash? (Irate member of the Hall and Oates backup band to confused sales clerk at Banana Republic)

3. Damn, girl you look good today (Man in a Dwight Howard basketball jersey and matching Orlando Magic dew rag to swollen-faced middle-aged unemployed woman just outside of Waldenbooks)

2. Where’s the happy ending? (Elderly man in rainbow suspenders sitting in a massage chair)

1. Oh, there it is. (Elderly man in rainbow suspenders sitting in a massage chair)

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