Friday, February 20, 2009

Movie Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen Yet: AFI's Top 10 Comedies*

By Bub

10. Airplane! - This is that movie where Samuel L. Jackson swears at reptiles on board an aircraft. The plane later crashes into the Andes Mountains and SLJ is forced to eat the dead flesh of the snakes, he earlier insulted, to survive. Then he chewed his own hand off or something and Bryan wrote an article about how it was hard to talk to Samuel L. Jackson about going on vacation. ‘I ate those mother-fucking snakes from that mother-fucking “Airplane!” movie’.

9. The Graduate – A brilliant movie about the disillusionment of young adulthood and love. But just slightly more brilliant than “Airplane!”

8. It Happened One Night – This prescient 1934 dark comedy starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert foretold a horrible ‘night of broken glass’, or kristallnacht, in Nazi Germany where hundreds of synagogues would be destroyed and tens of thousands of Jews would be arrested. Gable played straight man to Colbert’s Nazi dominatrix.

7. MASH – This hilarious romp is about a magic paper toy that could predict the future of those who dared ‘pick a number’. Ironically, boy-Harry Truman picked ‘36,000’, the number of Americans he would grow up to send to their deaths in the Korean War. Of course, this would seem but a footnote after being responsible for a nuclear holocaust less than a decade earlier.

6. Blazing Saddles – Racism and farting were never so funny, as in Mel Brooks’ classic Blazing Saddles. Carlos Mencia plays ‘Sheriff Bart’ who is supposed to offend the more sensitive racists of a western town enough to flee, allowing the railroad to build on its desired route. In the meantime Sheriff Mencia teaches the racist white people the universal joy of laughing at mentally disabled people. Think Will Smith’s Wild West meets Cedric the Entertainer’s Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.

5. Duck Soup – Widely regarded as the pinnacle of The Marx Brothers’ career, Duck Soup is the single funniest movie ever made. Yet, just slightly funnier than Blazing Saddles.

4. Annie Hall – This film marked Woody Allen’s transition from zany comedy writer to ‘serious’ film-maker. This was much more popular than his later shift from serious film-maker to pedophile. Diane Keaton plays eleven year old, Annie, an orphan in search of her parents. Woody Allen plays rich Daddy Warbucks and enlists FDR and Eleanor Roosevelt’s help in Annie’s quest. Spoiler Alert: The film ends in the creation of the Works Progress Administration and the Tennessee Valley Authority.

3. Dr. Strangelove – This is the prequel to the post-script of MASH. Peter Sellers plays Nuclear Harry Truman, and George C. Scott plays General George S. Patton. Andy Warhol plays a slapstick Nazi in a wheelchair and Slim Pickens play a guy with a comedic name. There is much hub-bub made with male sexual innuendo to portray a metaphorical and causal relationship to war. This relationship was later more crudely drawn by drug-ska band Sublime in their #1 hit ‘What I Got (Love Is)’ in their lyric “fucking and fighting, it’s all the same”. Neo-Freudian Bradley Nowell died of a heroin overdose after seeing Dr. Strangelove and incorrectly being convinced that director Stanley Kubrick had ‘stole his shit’.

2. Tootsie – Dustin Hoffman plays a man dressed like a woman, and it’s so fucking funny, because he acts like a woman and he’s really a man. I mean, a guy actually kisses him thinking he’s a woman, it doesn’t get any more ridiculous than a guy kissing another guy. This movie was channeling comedy from Jupiter. So anyway, Hoffman won some kind of local drag queen contest and was heading cross-country to the nationals with his drag queen buddies Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes. Their car breaks down, and they teach a backwards rural town a lot about life because of their perspective as drag queens. In the end the late Chris Penn rapes them all. As the last one begs for mercy, Penn just shakes his head no and the credits role with that song from Benny Hill playing in the background. You know ‘bwa bwaaa bwaaa bwa bwa bwuh, bwa bwaaa bwaaa bwa bwa bwuh…’ Comedy gold.

1. Some Like It Hot – Marilyn Monroe and Jack Lemmon star in a movie about a hotel for dogs. It starts out simply enough when Marilyn takes in a few strays to give them homes in her abandoned hotel. Soon, she is taking in more and more stray dogs and they begin to form factions along the lines of who wants air-conditioning and who wants ‘bare-air’. Animosity grows until an epic battle breaks out on the scale of Lord of the Rings. In fact the story was inspired by Tolkien’s ‘The Hobbit For Dogs’. In the end Frodo captures the hotel and turns it into a hostel for college-age back-packers.

*I have actually seen all of these movies.

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