Saturday, February 21, 2009

Bub's Public Joke File

By Bub

A priest, a rabbi and a mullah go sky diving. They all use parachutes.

There was this funny bumper sticker – Jesus rides shotgun. When I saw it I laughed. Then I looked in the bus and understood why the black people were all sitting in back.

How many Polish people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three – One to screw it in, and two twins to be both head of government and head of state.

A car salesman walks into a bar. He starts a tab and drinks alone in the corner all night.

Two junkies walk into a methadone clinic. One asks the other ‘What do aliens buy coffee with?” The other junkie says, “Starbucks.”

Little Johnny asks Papa, where do babies come from? Papa is too emotionally distant to respond.

What did the Italian do for Kwanzaa?
Took the opportunity to learn about different cultures.

A bank robber walks into a bank. He goes to the teller and says, “This is a hold up, give me all your money!” The teller freezes in fear. The bank robber panics and shoots her and then himself.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Billy Joel.
Billy Joel who?
(agitated) Grammy award winner Billy Joel.
Nope, still doesn’t ring a bell.

There once was a spooky ghost. He scared all the little children in the neighborhood. One night he scared a third grader TO DEATH. The town blamed ‘Jews’ and a pogrom ensued.

One supermarket clerk says to the other supermarket clerk, “My karma ran over your dogma.”

Yogi Bear was a white collar criminal.

What did the serial killer hide under the bed?
A photo album with pictures of his parents who were killed during Franco’s facist regime in Spain.

The old man took a Viagra pill.

Three boy scouts go out on a camping trip. A fourth little boy wanted to go along as well but was excluded because he was gay.

Bill Cosby is driving down the freeway in the suburbs of LA. He sees a Ukrainian man standing next to a broken down car on the side of the road. Cosby reaches for his gun, then composes himself and gives the distressed Eastern European a ride to the next service station.

What did the pedophile say to the little boy?

“I wish I could find a place to live in my home town but the city’s repressive sex-offender laws make it impossible.”

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Elder Boxley, with the Church of Latter Day Saints.
(Door opens) Come in, let’s start with the guy hallucinating in a corn field and end on why people who believe his prophesies more than the screaming homeless guy on 13th street deserve to be married and gays and lesbians don’t.

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