Saturday, February 21, 2009

25 Random Facebook Facts

By Bub

Here are the Rules: I talk, you listen. If I tagged you, then you're 'it' and you can run around like a fuckin' idiot for awhile. Anyway...

1. Those Saw movies scare the shit out of me. It’s not the actual killing that gets me it’s the psychological stuff the victims go through.

2. I love Styx more than anyone on the planet. Ask anyone.

3. I can’t ride in a cab. I hate foreigners and air-fresheners. I like my own stink thank you very much.

4. My bucket list consists of one item: Fuck the shit out of Tila Tequila.

5. I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the accordion. Not in some faggy way, but like the old-timey German dudes. You may think those little green hats and suspenders look stupid, but you gotta remember those guys were the Nazis’ grandfathers, so they had to be pretty tough.

6. I don’t get what the whole 'steak vs. lobster' debate is all about. They’re BOTH fantastic!

7. I love being with my friends! Except, I just feel like I can’t relate to people and would rather be alone most of the time.

8. My guilty pleasure is Oprah Winfrey. That broad could make a fart classy.

9. I used to wear a gold hoop earring in one ear. It looked pretty cool.

10. If you ever get into a fight, pull the other guy’s shirt over his head like they do in hockey. That way he looks stupid when you punch him.

11. I like to edit Wikipedia to make it say that Nelson Mandela was a terrorist. I don’t know why, I’ve just always been sick of Nelson Mandela.

12. I’m better at Super Mario 3 than Fred Savage was in that fuckin’ videogame movie. That was one of my dreams growing up, and I accomplished it. So kids, hold on to your dreams no matter how stupid Fred Savage writes back to tell you they are.

13. For a period of time in my youth I was known as Peter “Iron Digits” Helmsley. I am under a court’s gag order not to describe any incidents that occurred during this period.

14. I feel so lonely sometimes that I cry for no reason.

15. Look, I like ankle socks just as much as the next guy.

16. There are two kinds of people; the kind that bait their fishing-hooks with worms, and the ones that use chicken liver.

17. An onion is NOT a fruit, people. I don’t know where people get this from. It grows in the ground and doesn’t have any seeds. Where’s the controversy?

18. I can name more constellations than you. Go ahead, try. I fuckin’ dare you.

19. There are two other types of people; blacks and Puerto Ricans, I never knew there was a difference, but don’t say that to one of them!!

20. Love is trying to make the other person feel happy even when you don’t feel so good yourself. Like when I had the hugest hangover after when Styx played at the Arena in Hoboken, and I still got up the next morning to make my ex-girlfriend pancakes, and then she tells me she don’t even like pancakes and I’m like ‘that’s not the fuckin’ point’ and she gets all pissy and shit.

21. I saw a dead body once. It was on the internet when I was reading about the Iraq War. It was fucking nuts. Saddam was such an asshole. Now I know why we’re fighting over there.

22. I’ve become kind of a nacho snob. If it aint got real jalapeno slices, then I aint eatin’ it (unless you got some real good hot sauce).

23. Ladies love chocolate, fellas. And not just some candy bar or tootsie roll, it’s gotta come in a box, preferably with some kind of ribbon and expensive price tag on it. It’s biological, like its got something to do with pheromones or whatever.

24. When I was little, my dad used to wash my mouth out with soap for pronouncing Dave Brubeck with the ‘r’ in the second syllable, like ‘Bubreck’. I used to think I deserved it, but when I grew up and listened to ‘Take Five’, all I could think was ‘this is no Styx’.

25. I haven’t missed an episode of Law and Order for nearly five years. Thank God for Tivo! But seriously, it consumes almost all my waking hours.

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